Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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