How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
