Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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