I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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