**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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