My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this