also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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