i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
