My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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