Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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