piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
