my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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