I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
