I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
