Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
