Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
