i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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