WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
