Duck Duck Cougar?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
