I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
