dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
