DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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