I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
