He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
