I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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