so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
