what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
