He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he thought i was a dude.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
