Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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