Me. At least after what I've been through.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
