all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
