So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
