WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
