Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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