What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
