This girl is more easily done than said...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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