I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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