I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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