I hate your face
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
