sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
accomplished twins. life is a go
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
