Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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