a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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