I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Success! We fucked roommates!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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