I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
