I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
