i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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