i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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