i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
