so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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