Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
