i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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