My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
