i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
