All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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