Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
