Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
