i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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