Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
