I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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