Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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