i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
