What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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