i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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