I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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