i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
