My friends, they love my intelligence
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
