Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Floor bacon is actually really good
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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