i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
