I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
