ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
