Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
