Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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