2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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